Hot N' Cold
by Dead-bY-n0w
Summary: He betrayed them and they took him back. Again. And again. And then again. Anger was something she regularly felt, but she only just learned how equally as passionate hate can be. KXH. Crack-fic.
1. Homecoming

___**Rating**:_T for language  
**Pairing:** KaiHil.  
**Genre:** Crack. Fluff  
**_Summary_**_: He betrayed them and they took him back. Again. And again. And then again. Anger was something she regularly felt, but she only just learned how equally as passionate hate can be. KXH._ Crack-fic.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Homecoming  
Song:** Homecoming** -** Hey Monday**  
**

* * *

_**In The Dojo, Lounge:**_

_Okay. Okay. Calm down. Deep Breath. Deep breath. Deep. Freaking. Breath._

_Oh God, I'm freaking out. Of ALL the people, ALL the freaking people, in the entire world, why me? ME? What have I done to anyone? I get good grades, I'm a three-times-in-a-row School President, and I love my parents (though they can be quite a pain sometimes) and my siblings (ditto) and I make good friends who don't do drugs. I don't do drugs. Or sleep around with everything that moves. I don't even date! So, why, I might ask, is this happening to me? What sin is it that I am being slain for?!_

_Ahem. Overdramatic, yes. But, oh! If you only knew the reason….Oh, God. The reason. The freaking, freaking reason!_

_Let me begin by saying that my friends are douches. Big ones at that. Like, right now, as I'm writing in this freaking journal (that I did NOT want, Mom!) they keep telling me to look up and talk already. But I don't want to look up because I don't want them to see my angry-and-embarrassed tears, and I don't wanna talk because I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, a huge fireball will come spitting out specked with all the profanities ever to exist on Earth._

_Yeah, because I'm angry. And that's me. But, seriously, I have a reason to be! Because, right now, as I sit on the couch, trying to hide my face through my hair as I look down at this journal in my lap…'he' is just across the room, also sitting rather comfortably on another couch (I'll have to kick Tyson for that) in his infamous I-don't-care-pose-Oh, the eff, we'll see who cares, you traitor, we'll see._

_Ray just told me that if, in the next thirty seconds, I don't look up and tell them why in the hell did I just punch Kai Hiwatari in the jaw-_

* * *

"Hey!" I stretch my hands up, "What'd you do that for?!"

My voice was nearly a yell, and I glared –despite my utter will against looking up only a few seconds ago—up at Ray, who'd snatched the book straight out of my hands, just as he had said he would. He was standing in front of me, my journal dangling half-open in his hand, and when I stretched up from my place on the couch, he merely lifted my item further up and out of reach.

"I could be asking you the same thing." He reprimanded, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. I didn't need to look, but the satisfaction of watching Kai Hiwatari rub his slightly swollen jaw after receiving a well-deserved (ahem) knuckle sandwich by none other than the resident cheerleader of his ex-team (I don't care WHAT anyone says, we're his, and he is ours, EX-teammate! Period.) was something that was hard to resist.

Oh, and you know what else was hard to resist? The urge to roll my eyes at the sight.

So, I rolled my eyes at the sight.

But of course I never said anything. I was actually biting my lips, not because the asshole (AKA the traitor, the bitch, the broody-moody Hiwatari) didn't deserve any of the profanities that might slip out of my lips the moment they part (because, seriously, honestly, he deserved WAY more than just insulting words) but because I was determined not to lose control like I had a few minutes ago…I would NOT give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool.

I was going to be calm. And rational. And mature.

Even though I was sweating buckets, and the adrenaline (and the practically-uncontrollable urge to hurt the asshole all over again) was pulsing high in my veins, surprisingly, I managed to choke out an indifferent, "He deserved it."

Tyson snorted from besides me and Max rolled his eyes.

By now, everyone's probably curious to what happened. See, I punched Kai Hiwatari, if that isn't clear already. Why? Because….well, because I saw his face. I saw his ugly (not quite, actually) brooding, apathetic, I-don't-care-about-anything face.

And don't blame me. He wasn't supposed to be here! No…wait. He _was _supposed to be here, apparently. The guy I had oh-so-uselessly fawned over the past two years, the guy who had suddenly disappeared without a single trace after or any means of contact after an entire year of betrayal and team-switching, the guy I had never expected to ever see in my life again…he was back. And, everyone had known! (They certainly didn't look as shocked as I was) And my (stupid, stupid) _friends_ didn't bother telling me!

And when later asked _why…_WHY was it that I, their _coach_,was NOT informed of an ex-teammate (EX!) He-whose-name-rhymes-with-Sly-Ferrari, was taking part in this year's tournament till the moment he showed his sorry ass when we were about to leave for the said-tournament?

Well, guess what? I got an answer alright.

"I thought you'd be _happy _to see him!" Tyson was flailing his arms when I turned in his direction. "That's why we planned to surprise you! You were extremely upset about him leaving last year, Hils-" Did he not see my warning looks? "—and, no matter how much you try to deny it, we _all _know how 'close' both of you were. I thought it'd be a pleasant surprise…"

Tyson finally (FINALLY) noticed my expression.  
"Apparently not." He sighed, "Okay, what's the matter?"

Okay….I honestly couldn't blame him for coming up with the conclusion that I'd be _happy_ (cringes) to see the mono-sllyabillic asshole. Hard as I tried to deny it, I _was _upset when he'd left, because we _had _been 'close'.

And maybe that's why I had just punched him. To think, he'd just up and leave after everything that had happened between us….He hadn't even hesitated…He didn't even bother telling_ anyone_. And it had hurt. It had hurt a _lot_.

And _yes, _it was more personal, but whatever. He deserved my rage.  
"He's a traitor!" I ignored the angry grunt from across the room, and focused on Tyson's startled expression. My words were harsh; I'd never used this tone for our (EX!) captain before. And never had I spoken ill of him. The truth was, I'd never bore any feelings other than utter admiration for him till the few months after his sudden departure. I guessed that was where it had all gone slightly berserk.

Slightly.

Or more than slightly.

"You can't be telling me you're taking him back, Tyson!"

But Tyson just gave me this look of utter disappointment, and crossed his arms across his chest. "I _am _taking him back. In fact, he's back to being our Captain, now."

He ignored my aghast expression and continued, "He's our friend, Hils. I'm not going to leave him out."

Friend? Friend! Scoffing!  
"Are you damn stupid?!" I nearly yelled, stomping my way over and poke Tyson's ribs, "That bitch is a traitor! He's shifted teams multiple of times! He's abandoned you in your time of need! You're _friend _chose a stupid title over you!" I turned to see Kai glaring (funnily) at me, and continued, "He may be your buddy, but he is _not _to be trusted!"

And that was the plain truth. Honestly. And it'd be stupid to trust Kai—Kai Hiwatari, who's had more teams than my collection of lip glosses—as your captain, no less! Who _knows_ which side he's on!

"I trust him, Hils." Was all Tyson said in reply. Tch. So damn like Tyson.  
"Nice puppy." I muttered, despite myself and turned towards the very object of my rage. Oh, he was staring right at me, like _freaking _right at me. In the eye. Whether it was his humungous ego, or his utter lack of shameful conscience (Or maybe both) but he wasn't even flinching at my accusing gaze. Damn, bitch. He is planning something. I am SO sure.

"I don't trust you." I snapped, ignoring his pointed glare.  
"Tch. Like I care."

Don't glower. Don't growl. Don't stare. Don't glare. Don't curse. Don't ohwhatthehell!

I stomped. "The hell he doesn't!" I turned towards my other friends, who had their eyebrows raised at my indignant behavior, "See? He's not even ashamed! What makes you guys so sure he won't turn on you again?"

"Hillary," Ray said softly, speaking for the first time, "I know Kai made a lot of mistakes last year, and I know you're mad at him because of that. But we've known Kai longer than you have. And trust me when I tell you to trust him."  
"I do NOT trust him!" I yelled, fists clenching at my sides, all promises of calmness pushed ruthlessly aside, "Can't you see?! He's going to turn against you again! Against Tyson! It's his habit! Betraying everyone to achieve a dang title is his habit! The selfish, conceited, son-of-a-gun is a traitor at heart no matter how much you trust him! Why is that so hard to understand?!"

By now, everyone, even Kai—who was rather indifferent and only-slightly-annoyed at my accusations from the start—looked downright taken-aback at my outburst. I had yelled more loudly than was necessary. Kenny, who'd been silently rolling his eyes at the commentary from Dizzy the entire time, now sat gaping at me. Ray looked disappointed, Tyson and Max, rather confused. Kai….whatever it was that flicked pass his (non-beautiful) amethyst eyes for a fraction of a second.

Inert bastard.  
"Hillary." The inert bastard started, getting up from his seat, but I cut him off. Seriously, the last thing I needed to hear was his spiteful words when my own were practically biting me from the inside of my cheek.

So I turned around, right there and then, ignoring the indecipherable expression in our (EX! EX, EX, EX, EX, EX!) captain's eyes, and grabbed my journal from Ray's hands. He didn't protest, and no-one said a word as I pushed past them, and walked towards the hall. No-one even made a move to stop me.

Pfuit. Shocked? I meant every word I said. And the spiteful, hating tone in which I said it? That too.

By the time I had reached the hall, I made sure to yell as loud as I could, over my shoulders, words I never thought would feel so great when I said them.

"Welcome home, Hiwatari."

* * *

_**At the Dojo, In my Room:**_

_See, he leaves the team first to get a chance to battle Tyson (coughjealouscough) for the title, then he tries to joins BEGA to battle Tyson again….BEGA! Holy Hell! And okay, I understand the competition. I mean, it isn't as if Max and Ray themselves hadn't taken their chances against Tyson. But, what the hell. Twice? Twice! In the same year?! He's made such a freaking habit of it!_

_And then, what does he do? There he is, in all of his stupid glory, trashed up in a deserted hallway with a broken Beyblade, and a bitchip nowhere in sight. And, really, I was ready to forgive him for everything that he'd done that year. His every mistake. Back then, as I had watched him attached with God-knows-how-many machines, the only thing I wanted was for him to be okay again. For him to start breathing. Because, really, I had cared for him. A LOT. More than a friend should, really. My countless hours spent with him, praying that he gets better, hoping he could talk to me again, worrying about him, looking after him…._

_And what does he do? A day after he starts walking, he runs away. Like seriously. I came to his empty room one day, only to find that he had checked himself out. And we never saw of him again._

_Till now, that is._

_So yeah, after all that he's done (after all the time he's freaking I'll-never-admit-it-out-loud-but-you're-my-journal-so-I'm-just-gonna-say-it broken my heart like a piece of paper burnt and blown at) there is no way in HELL will I, Hillary Tatibana, forgive the bane of my existence, the conspiring kitty-cat loving Kai Hiwatari._

_Never. Ever. Ever._

_Ever._

_Ever._

.

.  
_Like...EVER_.

* * *

**Authors note:**

Hey guys! ^_^ Soooo, I got another fic that I found in my drafts. Like I didn't post it because I thought it was crappy and stuff. Just like with my last chapter of WTML. -_- I'm so insecure, yeah I know. I actually found three fics, two of them KaiHils, ready to be posted! O_O Like, I don't know what it was that stopped me from posting them (prolly that I thought they were sucky). Anyhoo, I decided to post this one up. It has the next chapter written down too, but not completely, so, I'm just going to post this part that IS written down. I don't have the time to put work into my fics what with the finals nearing and stuff. But, hopefully I'll still find a lot in my drafts that isn'tsobad. lol.

The other two fics are KaiHils too, one being Ming Ming centered and the other being Kai-centered, a KaiHil friendship fic. It revolves around the idea "What would've happened when Hillary had met Kai in GRev and not through Tyson". So, yeah. I might post them, so keep an eye out for them too. And WTML's next chapter, too maybe. It's written down, but in pieces here and there, in one doc or the other (since I wrote a guhzillion scenes in 10 different docs) Soo...

Anyhoo. Back to this fic. I actually have always wanted to do one of those LoveHate fics! And a Diary one. Where the character writes a diary. Do you know how freaking EASY it is to write those? Diary ones? It's like, you're just having a convo with your best friend. And there's just so much you crazy you can put and stuff. I love the no-boundry thing that comes with it! It's like, my best. Writing so freely, journal-writing fics is me at my bestest. Lol. So, yeah, hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did writing it!

The name came to me when I was reading the fic for checking last night. I was like, "What's the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of LoveHate" and I was like, HOT AND COLD! Katy Perry! *sheepish grins* So, yeah. I just named it that. It's the theme of the entire story. Indecisiveness :) It's going to work hopefully, I think.

And the chapter was named after **Hey Monday's Homecoming**. You know, that song that goes, "I left you, but I'm coming back now" ish stuff. Lol. Anyhoo, I'm going to name every chapter with a song, because A. I want a soundtrack for this fic. And B. I listen to a LOT of LoveHate songs. A LOT. So, yeah.

I know this fandom isn't THAT dead! People, suckers like me who can't live without a KaiHil, still check it from time to time! So, pleashe pleashe pleashe pleashe pleashe review! I'd love you for it. And, if there's anything to point out, do. And if you have any questions, do ask.

Annnnnd that's about it. I think. Signing off now. Loveyaall.


	2. Someday

**Chapter 2: Someday  
****Song**: Someday—Rob Thomas

* * *

**Hunky Heartthrob Hiwatari Finds Romance With Team Cheerleader Tatchibana! Admirers Disheartened! Friends Find it not-so-False!**_**  
**__  
_Handsome Hiwatari Kai, captain of the Blitzkrieg Boys, caught chit chatting with Tatibana Hiromi in the lounge minutes before his match with Ray Kon of the White Tigers. Sources say that both the teens looked completely at ease with each others company, and mindless of the fact that—if the cards are set right—they'd be up against each others' teams in the finals.

"What else is new?" Says Ming Ming, a tinge of jealousy in her tone. "Yesterday, those two love birds were munching their breakfast together alone at the same table. Even though BOTH their teams were in the cafeteria." With a scoff, the pop sensation added, "And the day before, she was fixing his blade. His blade!"

Reliable sources have confirmed it to be true. Kai-Lovers-Club launched a full on protest, blocking the entry to the BBA in sheer rage when the news broke out.

"I thought he'd at least pick someone with some class," said a member, holding out a No-Hillary sign. "She's so….average."

"This has to be a mistake," said another. "We won't clear the ground till someone apologizes for spreading these lies!"

As the BBA grounds were cleared off the protesters by BBA members not more than a while later, we walked up to a participant, who happened to be a close friend and hence wishes to be unnamed, and asked of their stance on the matter.  
"Haters can hate." They said, "Kai and Hillary are, unfortunately, just friends." With a sneaky grin, they added. "YET."

Another unnamed source put in their share of thought by saying. "They've definitely got potential."

Enclosed underneath are snap shots of Kai and Hillary taken by various magazines over the past two years. Top, right; Kai holding both their coffees at a local mall in Bakuten while Hillary peers into her hand-bag in apparent in search of something. Bottom, right; Kai holding out the door for Hillary as she steps into his car, on their way out of the BBA. Top, left; Hillary and Kai talking outside of the Arena, minutes before Blitzkrieg Boys go against White Tigers. Bottom, left; Kai and Hillary standing together in the gallery in a snowy night with their backs towards the camera (This was an old photo taken by friends and uploaded on facebook, from where it got leaked).

* * *

**September 2010**

* * *

To Do  
Get tickets confirmed  
Transfer all medical files ('Ask' the nurse or bribe the doctor to send them to Moscow Memorial)  
Ask Tala to bring duffle-bag (and tell him to not open it-! Or, wait, don't tell him to not open it. That's just tempting him to do so the same)  
Kill Tala for opening duffle-bag (He will either way)  
Make sure everything (articles, photos etcetera etcetera) is inside  
Ask Ray to drop by  
Get painkillers  
**Get scarf washed**  
Ask doc if wine is allowed  
Leave before Hillary arrives in the morning

note: don't forget to paste this wrapper of chips into calendar book  
**  
**Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback Dranzerwillcomeback

Bring to airport**  
**Airplane tickets  
Passport  
Water bottles  
Scarf  
Medicines (PAIN killers!)  
Toothbrush  
Transfer certificate (got it for free. Joys of being good looking)**  
Pictures**  
Wine (Secretly. Much needed)**  
Dranzer** (even though she's not coming back. And why should she? With someone like me as their wielder, who drove it to the point of breaking)**  
**

I know  
I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye  
Everyone would've stopped me had I told them (just like Ray tried to)  
I owe Ray for not spilling this shit that I'm about to do to anyone  
Hillary is going to miss me (I'm going to miss her) and Tyson. And Max. And Kenny. And Ray.  
I should've left a note at least instead of asking Ray to clean after the mess I'm leaving behind.  
I owe Ray two**  
I am stronger than Tyson  
**Dranzer, wherever she is, is happier than with me

* * *

**October 2010 (A week since left Japan)**

* * *

Why I left  
I have lost too much  
No-one needs someone who can't even blade  
Probably not even wanted back. Betrayal twice (I made a new record).   
Broken. Everything. Trust, friendships, respect….Dranzer (nothing left to lose, so does it even really matter?)  
I have to pay for my sins _somehow  
_**I have to start over**  
  
Buy  
Expensive beer (because the cheap one isn't helping with the pain)  
New painkillers (Ditto)  
Shampoo  
New bed sheets (because all the hospital ones are too white and reek of vomit and the nurses won't change them no matter how good looking I am)  
New cellphone (and note that throwing older ones at the walls just to get rid of some calls you don't want to pick up, is _not_ a good code of conduct in hospitals)  
Sweaters  
White scarf  
Sleeping pills  
TV guide

Tell  
**Ian** to stop hitting on my nurse. She's not single. That big bulky guy that picks her up is, in fact, not her brother but her fiancé.  
My **nurse** to stop hitting on me because her fiancé is a big bulky guy with a motorcycle, and tattoos and probably a saw.  
The **doctor** that the reason that I'm so pissy and depressed and shit like that, is because I lost—or let go of—everything that's ever mattered, or made a _little _bit of a sense to me all in one go. That I am not a sissy who needs a shrink. I'm a fully grown man who needs the sorry ass doctor to prescribe me Prozac.  
That** nurse** with that mole on her forehead to stop stealing my whiskey in the name of them being "injurious to my health".  
**Spencer** to register my name into those Management classes that I'm going to have to take if I'm going to be running Hiwatari Corps. again.  
**Someone** to keep the doors of my room closed incase another lame-ass monkey behind a DSLR creeps in and snaps pictures of my sleeping and they end up in some cheap ass, local magazine again.

Note from Reader's Digest: It's okay to miss people. 

Note to self: I'm too good for some cheap-ass, local magazine. Period.

* * *

**November 2010**

* * *

Today  
I go home. To my apartment (I sold the mansion, because who the hell lives there anyways?)  
I have to be careful around the paparazzi (Tala got me a _burqah_. He says it keeps women from the lustful eyes of men in Saudi Arabia and is a fool proof plan to keep _me _from the lustful eyes of the paparazzi. Needless to say I called to have him thrown out for…being him, I guess)  
**It is VERY cold  
**I can NOT have my face plastered in the news (which is stupid because it can't just NOT happen)  
Thank Moscow Memorial for the hospitality and keeping my confidentiality  
**Face the world**

Groceries (One day out of the hospital)  
Chocolate stout beer (I heard it helps)  
Protein powder  
Iron supplements  
Lays potato chips (lots of them)  
Cherry-scented perfume (I miss Hillary and I googled her perfume. Big deal)  
Mustard (Don't)  
Organic beets, carrots, celery, parsley, turnips  
Linkin Park CDs (Because I feel, as Tyson would say, "emo")  
Unsweetened juice

To Do  
Unpack dufflebag  
Keep pictures and allthatshit in a safe place (where Tala doesn't see them. Or even me for that matter, because it hurts one degree too much)  
Remove Dranzer from underneath pillow before it gets crushed by the emptiness that is my head (or not)  
Get a bed (so that people stop pestering me about sleeping on a futon)  
Keep sleeping on the futon (Damn it. Makes me feel at home)**  
Change phone number  
**Delete facebook ID that Tyson and Hillary had made (and I occasionally used)  
Don't look at the countless messages and posts that anyone might have sent in (pointless) attempts at contacting me  
Arrange a meeting with the press (that have been following me everyfreakingwhere and say whatever it is to be said to get them off my back)  
Stop reaching for the phone and dialing _that certain number _again and again and again  
Rearrange couches  
Put up a calendar. Preferably non-beyblade.  
Get (several) new hobbies  
Stop thinking (Do I ever cross your mind? Do you want me to come back? Would you _take _me back? Would you be willing to forgive me and try over again? I'm freaking afraid)  
**Stop flipping through TV channels to catch a glimpse of all the people of the past**

* * *

**December 2010**

For Management classes (a month since attending)  
Pencils, pens, erasers  
New Laptop because Bryan sat on the old one and broke it (thankfully, no memory lost)  
Transfer files into new laptop  
Stop bringing journal or, as Tala calls it, the OCD-book, to classes (or not)  
Tell the teacher he might be gay (ish)  
Presentation needs new background  
Brush up on manipulation techniques to trick people into buying things  
Conversational skills. Take classes. Really well needed.  
Finish reading three recommended books (Management for Dummies. Fiddling Finance. Speaking Like a Pro)

Note to self: keep busy.

To do  
Charge batteries  
**Buy cell phone  
**Stop listening to emo Linkin Park songs  
Complete assignment  
Brush up on Spanish  
Learn Shakespeare (because we weren't taught 'literary-shit-like-that' in the Abbey. And I am running out of things to do)

For Christmas (a to-do-list made by Hillary and me, December 2009 reposted with slight editing)  
Buy lights.  
Buy Christmas tree  
Buy the big star (I remember Hillary and I arguing over who was going to put it up. It was up too high and she wouldn't climb the ladder out of the fear of falling. In the end, out of sheer annoyance, I ended up lifting her up and—)  
Mistletoe (Excluded this year obviously. I don't want to kiss anyone)  
Santa Clause beard (Don't. Ask)  
Presents. Gifts. Presents. Loads and loads and loads.

For Christmas 2010  
Christmas tree  
Lights  
Give list to one of the guys  
Tell the guys to come over and redecorate

* * *

**January 2011**

* * *

Reasons to kill Tala:  
He's my best friend (after Ray. But Ray isn't in my life anymore). I've deleted everyone from my life. Would it even matter?  
He got me a _burqah _once and the nurses wouldn't allow me to kill him _then  
_He keeps raiding my apartment _and _my fridge (the fucking freeloading fuckhole) without consent  
**He got me a fucking **_**beyblade **_**calendar!  
**I would become famous for something other than beyblade.  
I'd get hanged

Reasons NOT to kill Tala:  
He's my best friend (after Ray. But Ray isn't in my life anymore)  
He got me a _burqah _once to help me through shit  
He keeps raiding my apartment _and _my fridge without consent (just like Granger)  
**He got me a fucking **_**beyblade **_**calendar!**  
I would become famous for something other than beyblade.  
I'd get hanged

Meeting with the press. Moscow Daily. Conversation:  
Them: ….blahblahblah. How is your health, Mr. Hiwatari? We understand the battle with Brooklyn Masfield has left you-  
Me: I'm perfectly fine. It was just a few scratches.  
Them: You lost a lot during the fight. Sources say Dranzer, your friends, bits of your health—even if you wouldn't admit it. What do you have to say on that?  
Me (too pissed to lie): I lost my bitbeast. And I left people behind. I plan for it to stay that way. There's nothing for me in the world of beyblade anymore.  
Them: Does that mean you retire?  
Me: Yes.  
Them: We will never see you back in the beyblade world again?  
Me: You will never see me back in anything _remotely _associated with the beyblade world again  
Them: Mr. Hiwatari, that is a crucial decision to make, especially so soon-  
Me: I have had enough time to think about it  
Them:-What about your friends? Are they at peace with it?  
Me: It doesn't matter. My decision was taken keeping everything in mind, and is firm and absolute.  
Bryan (whose been snickering at my expression from the corner of the room) screams: What about Hillary?!  
Me, narrowing my eyes dangerously: Like I said—  
Them: Yes, Mr. Hiwatari. What about Miss Tatibana? We understand you had 'special' ties with her even through the entire past tournament, when you were on different teams.  
Me, through clenched teeth: There was absolutely nothing going on between the two of us. Like I said, my decision was taken keeping everything in mind. And is _firm_ and absolute.  
Bryan: So basically, you don't give a damn about her, or your other 'special people'.  
Me, mentally noting to kill Bryan using dental instruments I found in my drawer: False as that presumption may be, it highly matters now that I don't plan on interfering into their lives anymore.  
Bryan: You do realize that she might not want you to do this to yourself. Or her. Or any of your friends.  
Me: Bryan, meet me at my apartment as soon as this is over. (turning to Tala): Bring your butcher knife  
Them: Okay…..blah blah blah blah.

That was all there was worth mentioning. The rest was gibberish.

* * *

**February 2011**

* * *

Groceries  
Multi-grain gluten-free bread  
Batteries  
Cherry-scented perfume  
Tissues  
Pringles  
Oreos  
Cigarettes  
Peanut butter  
American cheese  
Froot loops  
Mayonnaise  
Toothpaste  
Coffee  
Expensive-er Wine (Goddamnit! Will it ever WORK?)  
Red bull  
Umbrella  
Pretzels

I hate Bryan because (I hate Spencer because)  
He uses my IP to watch porn (and then Spencer accuses _me _of watching that shit)  
He does NOT use my freezer to store beer (because Spencer knows it's not safe there)  
He finishes off MY beer (because Spencer tells him I've had enough)  
He tries to set me up on blind dates (and Spencer helps him)  
He pushes me into girls, or pushes girls into me, whenever we go out (and Spencer gives those girls my number)  
He saw those pictures I kept of my old friends (and Spencer posted them all up on my wall in the lounge to "face your inner demons". If course I threw him out)  
He intermingles with the press like he did last month that made me almost butcher him (and Spencer helps him escape my wrath)  
They're relentless imbeciles who can't keep their noses out of everyone's business.

Note to self  
Half way through the management coarse  
Sign the Goddamn papers to ownership to Hiwatari Corps.  
I can't move forward if all I keep thinking of is the past, and how I want that past to be my present and my future

* * *

**March 2011**

* * *

**Tyson Granger and Hillary Tatibana Found Cuddling Under The Bakuten Bridge! Fans Excited! Do We See Picket Fences?**

Chubby Champion, Tyson Granger, found hugging the team cheerleader Tatibana under the bridge of the Bakuten park mid-evening. Sources say the duo spent all their day together at the Bakuten Mall (snapshots enclosed underneath) and then hung out by the beach till the crook of noon, where they were much too comfortable playing _Splash_ in their beach bikinis and boxers. Much later in the evening, they were found standing under the infamous Bakuten Bridge, ground to many historic events in the Blade Breakers lives, hugging.

An entire day, just the two of them. With Kai Hiwatari, rumored to be _close_ to Hillary Tatibana, having had called it quits and left the Beyblading world for real, is this the roots for a new budding romance that has 'potential'? Seems like Hillary Tatibana has finally opened her heart to someone else, despite being heartbroken (as reliable sources say) over Kai's leave. Let's all hope this one ends well.

* * *

To do  
Shower every day  
Go to gym (I'm getting as lazy as a certain red-capped Dodo-brain)  
Pay bills  
Change phone number (damn fangirls)  
Make dentist (or a psychiatrist) appointment  
**Get a haircut  
**Stop smoking (not)  
Cut nails  
Don'tcall Don'tcall Don'tcall Don'tcall (It's Hillary's birthday)  
Stop losing control (and breaking stuff)  
Finish the coarse on Management so I can take care of Hiwatari Corps  
**Stop using Tala's account to facebook-stalk people**

Things I have (unfortunately) said this week  
"Here's a hundred bucks. Piss off, right now, and go find out if all the reports on Hillary and Tyson's relationship status are true or not."  
"Ian, your girlfriend loves your nose."  
"Would you stop raiding my fridge and robbing me of my beer fucking _senseless?_ Or do I have to file for a restraining order, fry your ass and feed you to the fucking dogs?!" (And yes, I realize the tune to that. Tala didn't fail to point it out)  
"The address to the pound. Go get a puppy to be your hugging buddy because I can't."  
"Who the fuck pissed on my couch?"  
**"I miss them."**  
"I miss her."

note: I'm beginning to wonder if leaving was the right thing to do in the first place.

* * *

**April 2011**

* * *

IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson IamstrongerthanTyson

Facebook status!  
**Hillary Tatibana: **Dear people-who-spread-these-filthy-rumors, just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean you have to hook me up with every guy I interact with and jab at my relationship status :x : #Tyson and I are NOT together!  
303 like this

Comments:  
**Tyson Granger: **Ikr! I can't even hug my best friend in peace. Tsk. Tsk :X  
25 like this  
**Max Tate: **Idk, Hils. They'd stop pestering you if you just TELL them :p :p  
**Ray Kon: **Though….hooking you up with every guy you interact with, huh? :p :) #Tyson, whatya have to say to THAT?!  
**Tyson Granger: **Well….not that bad an idea. Hillary COULD use a bite of the laaaveee bug, if you know what I mean :p  
414 like this**  
Ray Kon:** This calls for a meeting! PM me and Max right away! :P :D  
**Hillary Tatibana**: #Tyson #Max #Ray Whatever is it that you're planning, Don't. Fishing. DARE! I will murder you guys with Grandpa's kendo stick.  
**Tyson Granger**: Okay… :O **  
**

Note: Tala printed this out for me. Just for good measures, he handed over something else too. Needless to say, my relief instantly vanished**.  
**

Facebook status!  
**Tyson Granger: **Fierce, fine and fabulous (abusive) Hillary Tatibana, officially up for auction! Please place your transactions in the small comment box below. The contestants will be looked into and the best choice would be given Hillary's contact number, address and a chance at being Hillary's beau. It's once in a lifetime opportunity! Do NOT miss out!  
1037 like this  
997 Comments (Click to show more)  
**Hillary Tatibana: **The skies will bleed the to-be-reigning champion's blood tonight.

* * *

**May 2011**

* * *

I have dreamt  
Of Hillary being ridden off into the sunset by some silhouette I can't make out, but certainly want to kill (Then I wake up and think, tch…she obviously wasn't going to wait on me forever)  
Tyson and Max doing a disturbingly awesome tango…Russian style  
My pillow suffocating me to death  
**Voltaire coming back from the dead to steal my beer **(because I don't have my bitbeast and I don't have my people, so what is it that he can do to damage me more, when I've done all the harm I could, myself? Except steal my beer of course)  
Tala boogying to Shakira  
One side of my scarf being tied to a _moving _ceiling fan, the other still being around my neck. Me? 6 feet above the ground.  
One too many times about the night I woke up to freaked-out crimson orbs, in the middle of a deserted hallway, realizing with too much pain to describe, that Dranzer wasn't even there.

Note to self  
Stalk Tyson's account through Tala's facebook, and see the names of the people that commented on Tyson's stupid post  
Killing them is NOT an option. Because Hillary deserves someone who won't run away like a freaking coward.  
**The leather couch needs to be repositioned  
**Almost out of cherry-scented perfume  
Red? Blue? Purple? Decide already!  
Stop wondering what might have been (and if it can be a could-be by any chance)  
The year-long course on Management will end next month  
Call Ray? (or not?) Ask how everything is. Discuss the possibility of coming back….because!  
I miss my old life

I have begun to realize/fear that  
Hillary will grow up, move on (probably has) fall in love with someone, get married, have kids, have grandkids, and die in the same bed as them….rest assured, it won't be me. And….I would regret that, won't I? Not trying. Not knowing what might have been.  
I was not thinking straight when I made the decision to move  
I was fucking in love with the crazy sadistic shithole that is Hillary Tatibana. **I still am.  
**All this running away, it was pointless. I can't run away from something that is _in _me. How can you run away from your own self?  
I've brought even more pain by estrangement. I was fucking stupid to think this was a solution  
In the end, I turned out to be wrong

* * *

**June 2011**

* * *

Things that will never change  
My tendency towards utter disaster  
My tendency towards being second best  
Me being socially and emotionally constipated  
Me being an obsessive compulsive MESS  
Me writing to-do lists _everywhere _(from my wrists, to milk cartons and CD covers) and collecting them together into my calendar book, which has even MORE to-do lists

Conversation with Ray  
Me, after a while of talking about this and that: I wanted to come back  
Ray, too shocked at the suddenness of my sentence probably:….What?  
I don't reply. He continues: That's….wow. That's great, man. But…what? Now? Why?  
I chuckle, despite everything: I just realized it wasn't the right move to make  
He chuckles too: Took you long enough.

He asks when I'm coming and I tell him about the course that's supposed to end next week and how I can come back as soon as it's over. He tells me about a tournament the month after and how everyone's gathering for old time's sake. I lost Dranzer, he knows so I'm glad when he says I don't have to take part.

Me: But I will. I just might.

I say because I hate being a no-help.  
Ray: You don't have to. I know what you're coming back for and beyblade isn't it  
Me: Of course you do.

There's silence, and I wonder when was it that I told Ray how completely incomplete my life was without these people I'm coming back for. I know I hadn't.  
Ray: She's not going to take this well, you know?  
Me: I know.  
Ray: I don't think there's any need for me to mention just to what extent she was upset when you left.

There's slight protectiveness in his voice and I hang my head in unseen shame.  
Me: I know.  
Ray: Just beware. You have a huge mess to clean up back here.  
Me: It's worth it.

Because, sure as _hell _if I was going to go back, I wasn't letting anything slip through my fingers all over again. We talk a bit more and he tells me to call him when my classes end and then we'll make further plans.  
Ray: Nice to see you trying for the things that matter for once.

And then we hang up.

Reasons I should NOT move back  
All the wealth and property of Hiwatari family is here  
I have a job  
I have a responsibility to Hiwatari Corps.

To Do  
Sell all the property I own (Damn it I can, because 'I' am the owner!)  
Quit job  
Sell Hiwatari Corps (Ditto)

Other things to do  
Sell apartment  
Take pictures of everything in the house (Bribe Bryan to do so) and put them on auction on eBay

* * *

**July 2011**

* * *

Things I want to do but can't  
Scream up at the skies, "Voltaire, you son of a gun! I sold your fucking company and all your family's property, and the mansion! I lost Dranzer and I'm moving back to Japan once and for all to my FRIENDS! Come back and haunt me!" Just for good measure, "Bring Boris too!"

To do  
Tell everyone I'm going back (Tala'll be so fucking excited that I'll have no beer left in the refrigerator. I've been delaying it just for that)  
Kill everyone if they say "I told you so"  
Book plane tickets  
Talk to Ray and Tyson for the last time to confirm everything (Everyone knows there. Except Hillary. For reasons that I'm pretty sure I know, eg the temper and the insanity and the sadistic nature to name a few, no-one wants Hillary to know I'm coming back. They say she'll blow a fuse. I wonder if she hates me that much now. I guess fair's fair. I can't help but hope Hillary would put me in a hospital, because I deserve that, and then forgive me in the end. I know her, that's what she always does. I guess I likelikelike her for it just because)  
Buy suit for graduation ceremony tmr.  
Take Dranzer out for bit of a spin  
Pack bags  
Call Real State's in Bakuten (I need a house if I'm going to be permanently moving there. Though, this can wait, because I guess I'm always welcome at Tyson's)  
**Polish shoes  
**Throw last nights' take-out trash away  
Stop losing control

I'm going back because  
I have lost too much (and I want it back)  
I don't need to blade to take back what I lost.  
Definitely wanted back by eighty-five percent of my friends.  
Broken. Everything. Trust, friendships, respect… (time to fix it)  
I have to pay for my sins _somehow_ (And redemption is where you fall, and not half-way across the world)  
**I have to start over **(so why not with people who actually matter the most?)

* * *

**August 2011**

* * *

Bring to airport**  
**Airplane tickets  
Passport  
Water bottles  
Scarf  
**Pictures  
**Dranzer  
Tala. Bryan. Spencer. Ian

To do (Three hours since reached Japan. One since reached Dojo)  
Get icepack for jaw

* * *

**Author's note**

Never imagined Kai to write journals. BUT Kai IS easily imaginable as being an OCD mess. Lol. So, there you go. It's humour hence the ridiculousness. And it's a KaiHil hence so much mention of Hils. Plus, notice how Kai's OCD-ness increases in times of stress? The large quantities of to-do-lists at certain times and less quantities at others are deliberate.

Loads more will be explained in Kai's next chapter, which will be chapter 4. Next up is Hils again. If you guys think I missed something, don't fail to mention, please.

Papers over. Uni admissions start. Got loads to do but these days just writing. With a block. Lol. Either way, review and let me know how it was and what you thought. And if you have some crazy scenarios that you want to suggest that might happen, feel free to do so! I reallllllyyyyy need that!

PS: The first list in the month of **June** is dedicated to KaiHillover, who I'm not sure if is reading this or at all (If you are, let your friends know that you're okay and perfectly fine. They're worried. And I'm not talking of me.)

PPS: The song was the most I could find relative. Nothing else particularly worked. So, hope it's cool :)

Toodles, everyone! :)


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